Following the Unholy Priest
by pathetic-really
Summary: Hidan arrives in Konoha, searching for a 'blue eyed fox' at the behest of Jashin-sama. He finds Naruto being nearly beaten to death by a mob, and after saving him offers to take him away from his abusive life. Soon Konoha will have a true reason to fear their resident jinchuuriki.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything**

**Following the Unholy Priest**

**The Dream**

* * *

Hidan was sitting at a ramen stand, which was weird seeing as he hated ramen with a passion. Same with eating at food stands (sitting with his back to the street always felt like an open invitation to stab him in the back, even if it couldn't kill him that shit still hurt). A bowl of miso pork ramen sat in front of him, untouched and steaming. The people around him wore expressionless masks made of porcelain and moved with lethargic slowness. Their talk was slow, garbled, and muddled. A crow fluttered down and rested on the lip of his bowl. He lifted a hand, which felt slow and weighed down as if by heavy stones, to shoo it away when it looked up at him. He gasped. The bird's eyes were solid violet with a spiky black swirl where each pupil should be. Everything clicked into place; he was having some kind of prophetic dream. He had only had one before. It occurred several years ago and the crow had warned him to stay away from the organization known as the Akatsuki, which had been trying to recruit him at the time. The crow was not a crow at all but Jashin-sama come to speak with him!

"Go to Konoha," the bird croaked in its gravelly voice, "Find the blue eyed fox. Take him as your apprentice"

"Apprentice?" Hidan had never heard of a Jashinist taking an apprentice. They were solitary creatures by nature.

"Go" the bird croaked again. It dipped its beak into the ramen and then took flight, leaving the silver haired zealot behind.

The moment Jashin-sama had taken wing the people around him ceased conversation and turned their faces towards him. Their porcelain masks slowly morphed, become horrible and hateful.

"Monster," they whispered, "demon, monster, demon, monster, demon" their voices grew louder, eclipsing everything, becoming loud enough that Hidan thought he would go mad from the sound of it. Suddenly, the mob rushed at him.

* * *

Hidan awoke with a jerking start, bolting upright, torso slicked in cold sweat, his breathing heavy and labored. His ears rang. He pulled himself into an upright position and pulled the blanket he had kicked off sometime in the night around him. The sun was rising in the east, casting the graveyard in which he had taken refuge in a pinkish-red light. He was only a day's trek from Konoha as it was. Standing up, he began to pack his measly belongings; he would begin his journey now and contemplate what Jashin-sama had meant by 'the blue-eyed fox'.

* * *

Hidan pulled on the hood of his cloak, making sure his distinctive silver hair was hidden. He fingered the storage scroll at his hip that held his scythe and headband. Without them on he felt naked but hiding them was necessary. Konohakagure was tolerant of many things but violent missing-nin roaming their streets was not one of them. He turned down another street and pushed down a growl of frustration. It was nearly night-time and he still had no idea who he was looking for, hell he didn't even know how to begin to get an idea. Anyone with ears knew about the fox demon that had nearly destroyed the village and if he asked a villager if he knew about a fox, odds were he would be attacked. And if he was attacked he would be forced to commit a brutal (but deserved and immensely satisfying) murder. Hey, what was that? Near the end of the street, half-hidden in shadows was a group of men standing in a half circle. For a moment they parted and Hidan caught a glimpse of a small boy, huddled in on himself, his blonde hair matted with blood.

Oh hell no!

That shit didn't fly with him! Children were off limits, Jashin-sama himself said so! Intentionally hurting one was a direct ticket to hell, and Hidan was going to send them there. He quickly un-sealed his scythe and gave it an experimental swing. He took off silently, a black shadow emitting murderous intentions.

* * *

Naruto ducked as an empty bottle smashed into the brick wall where his head had been a second before.

"Piss off Demon! We don't want you kind around here!" the villager yelled, alcohol making his words come out slurred and heavy.

The boy hunched in on himself, carefully brushing the green glass out of his hair with one hand. This always happened. He wouldn't be bothering anyone, or so he thought. His very existence seemed to piss off these people, people he had never seen, never talked to, never bothered. He began to walk away; he would just go back to his apartment, lock the doors and hope no one tried to break in tonight.

"Hey, where the fuck ya' going demon?"

Something hard connected with his head, pain exploded on the top of his head. For a moment he blacked out. Everything was muddled, something sticky and warm was trickling down his scalp and into his eyes. A foot connected with his stomach, pain hit him like a black wave, and he felt a rib snap. He screamed, or at least he tried. Another food connected with his stomach, knocking his breath out. Blows began to rain down on him, black pain swallowed him, radiating throughout his young body. He was fading in and out of consciousness; he looked up, fighting against the shadows that threatened to swallow his vision. One of the men held a kunai in one hand. Naruto felt fear swallow him entirely for a minute and then, a strange sense of calm. He was going to die, alright. It was going to end, no more abuse, good. The kunai rose, Naruto half-closed his eyes, the kunai began to descend and then the man stiffened. Red liquid, not his own for once, splashed against Naruto cheeks. Three red blades protruded from the man's chest. In quick efficient movements the man was flung from the blades and off to the side. The other men turned to run. A swing caught one across his neck, severing his head and dropping him like a stone. Another vicious swing slit the others stomach wide open, his entrails pooled around his feet and he slowly fell face first onto the ground, unmoving. The blonde looked up at his savoir. A shadow, dressed in a dark cloak clutching a scythe.

"Death," Naruto muttered, a hazy smile stretching his face, "about time you got here"

He felt his eyelids slide shut against his will. The last thing he was aware of was his face colliding with the pavement.

* * *

Hidan stared at the battered boy. He wanted to die? What the hell? He crouched down and examined the boy. He was young, probably only ten or eleven. Three whisker scars adorned each cheek, giving him a vaguely foxy look. Wait, foxy? He gently lifted an eyelid and gasped as he saw a clouded cerulean eye. Blue eyes, fox-like scars, could this be the boy Jashin-sama wanted him to find? He gently pushed up the boy's shirt and hissed sympathetically. Each of the blonde's ribs were visible underneath his tan skin and two of them were obviously broken. Bruises, old and new, littered his frame and what looked like a healing burn covered one side of his chest. Dear Jashin-sama what had this boy gone through? What kind of village would allow this to be done to a child? Well, his own would but that was a mute point seeing as they were all dead. He needed to get this boy somewhere where he could help him. He gently scooped the boy up into his arms and took off towards the abandoned apartment he was using as a base of operations.

He laid the boy gently on the bed and cut away his shirt. Wait, what the hell? The ribs had already healed? How was that possible? Just to be on the safe side he wrapped medical gauze around the boy's emancipated torso. He wet a rag in the bathroom sink and wiped the drying blood from his skin. Washing the blood out of his hair would require a bath or shower and would have to wait until the boy was conscious. He didn't have enough gauze that he could risk accidently getting any of it wet. After he had done all he could he gently covered the blonde with a light blanket and sat back against the far wall. Even if this wasn't Jashin-sama's kid he wasn't going to let him go without making sure he was okay. He freely admitted that he was a violet, borderline psychotic, sadomasochist that got off on killing almost killing anything with a pulse; but he despised people who hurt children. Abso-fukcing-lutely hated them. There was no scum on the earth lower as far as he was concerned.

He shrugged off his cloak and cursed as he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror over the dresser. His hair was fucked up! Dear Jashin-sama he hated wearing the hood on that damn cloak! He ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it back into his normal hairstyle. The boy shifted slightly in his sleep, Hidan looked at him. The blonde settled down in a moment, after waiting a minute to be sure the boy was resting soundly he leaned his head back against the wall and let his eyes close. Within minutes he was asleep.

* * *

**A/N: first chapter up. and we're gonna do an experiment. I'm going to ask you guys for…let's say five reviews minimum before I put up the next chapter. Anyway, later gents and lasses, have a nice day.**

**pathetic-really**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything of this nature**

**Chapter 2: Waking up, in more way than one.**

* * *

When Naruto awoke he did not immediately open his eyes. Instead he snuggled deeper into the warmth of the bed.

Wait…bed?

He had passed out in the street; he saw the shadow of Death staring directly at him. How on earth could he be in a bed, an extremely comfy one at that? Something in the room fell, and there was a muttered curse. Naruto tensed and then, slowly and carefully, cracked an eye open. The room was roughly the size of his own apartment. The walls were covered in peeling floral wallpaper; the ceiling was cracked and water-stained. The rug, which had once presumably been white, had turned yellow with age and was speckled with threadbare spots. The only furniture present was the bed he was laid out on and a beaten and battered dresser with an attached mirror. A man was standing in front of the mirror, up-righting the bottle of hair gel that had fallen. A black cloak was hung carelessly over the mirror, obscuring half of it. When he saw the cloak Naruto gasped. Then, less than a moment later he slapped a hand over his mouth, as if it could take back the exhaled air. He had seen what this man could do, what if he meant to hurt him?

The man, who had begun to slick his hair back again, casually looked over his shoulder.

"Oh your awake, 'bout fucking time kid"

"Sorry" Naruto muttered meekly

"Why are you apologizing? Did you ask those dicks to kick the shit out of you?" the man quirked a silver eyebrow at him, looking annoyed.

"No!" Naruto exclaimed, shocked.

"Then there's no need to say sorry," The silver haired man said simply. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pierced the blonde with a bright violet gaze, "Why were they using you as a punching-bag anyway?"

"That's how it's always been," the blonde said resignedly. It was true, for as long as he remembered they had been out to get him. They'd refuse to sell goods to him, they'd attack him, break into his apartment, destroy furniture, steal anything or everything. One sadistic bastard had even put razor blades in all the food in his refrigerator. The Hokage thought that he hated vegetables; the truth was he was scared of them, didn't trust them. After all, one of those razors had nearly bisected his tongue.

"I thought that joining the Academy would make them back off, but…" the boy trailed off and then shrugged.

* * *

Hidan stared at the blonde boy who spoke of the near-death attacks apathetically, as if they were a normal part of his life. And if all the attacks were as brutal as the one he had witnessed it was pretty damn impressive he had survived. Violet eyes examined the boy, unmindful of the uncomfortable look he was getting. Slim, but not weak, shoulders, arms that gave away the fact he practiced his taijutsu a lot. His chest and stomach were scrawny and looked underfed but the beginnings of muscle were there. Some good meals and training and the kid would definitely have a body build for a front-line shinobi. There was potential there, for damn sure; and if the vibrant sky-blue eyes and whisker marks were anything to go by it was going to be his job to bring out that potential.

"Sounds like you're life here is pretty fuckin' miserable" he commented casually

The boy visibly shook himself slightly and a smile, obviously forced, crossed his face,

"Oh it's not so bad," he said in a faux-cheerful voice, "The Old Man and Iruka-sensei are pretty nice. And when I'm Hokage these people will have to respect me"

Hidan scoffed, "That's not how shit works kid. People don't HAVE to respect you if you become Hokage, hell if you're not respected you won't become Hokage at all. And kid, I saw those people kicking the shit out of you. If that's the general consensus around here you'll be Hokage around the same time hell freezes over."

The boy bristled, "I will be Hokage one day, believe it!" he shouted, "I'll be the Sixth Hokage and then you'll all have to stop mocking me. I'll be respected and no one will ever call me demon or monster again!"

"Don't fucking snap at me you little shit," the violet-haired man spat irritated, "I'm just trying to help you"

"How the hell is trying to get me to give up on my dream going to help me?" the blonde asked outraged, not lowering his voice. In fact on the last four words his voice actually rose to a roar.

For a moment Hidan's hand twitched towards his scythe's sealing scroll and then he reeled in his considerable temper. It would be a one way ticket to hell if he struck down someone directly picked by Jashin-sama. And, he supposed the boy's anger was justifiable. He'd be real pissed if some stranger decided to rip on his dream. So he decided to let it go, or at least not hurt the boy.

"I'm trying to wake you up," He spoke through gritted teeth, doing his best to keep his voice relatively level, "before you spend your whole life serving a village that thinks your less than shit. And a village like that, they'll lead you on with that dream of yours. They'll drag you along for years if you let them."

As he spoke, his mind drifted slightly. He wasn't just pulling this speech out of his ass after all, he spoke from experience. And maybe the boy could sense it because the surety was slowly draining from his eyes.

"No way," he said, but he sounded uncertain, "they wouldn't do that."

"Yes they would. Shinobi villages are all about power and what you can offer the assholes in charge. The moment you're usefulness runs out or you become powerful enough to make the higher-ups nervous they'll try to stomp the shit outta you. In this life-style _everyone_ is disposable, the Kage included"

The certainty in his voice shook the boy even further; he was slowly waking up from the deep-sleep of indoctrination and self-delusion.

"What's your fucking name kid?"

"N-Naruto" was the shaky response.

"Naruto you're what? Ten, eleven maybe? You don't know shit about how the world works. And the world, the shinobi world especially, it doesn't work, that's the fucking problem. But, you got two choices. You can stay here and be used up like a battery, getting stomped the fuck out and tossed away when you're charge runs out."

He paused and fixed his eyes on Naruto's. Steady and sure violet locked on uncertain and confused cerulean.

"Or, you could come with me and your pissant little life can mean something."

* * *

**A/N: I've always thought that Hidan was a lot deeper than he was potrayed. I mean, you don't end up a psychotic missing-nin over night. There's bound to be some sort of personal philosophy (as well as religious in this case) behind that. Since that philosophy is left entirely unexplored these are my ideas on them. 'Cause let's be honest we've all thought of Hidan as a cynic at least once…or is it just me? Anyway, just a sort little bridge chapter, I hope you liked it**

**Nighty-night all,**

**Pathetic-really**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own shit**

**Chapter 3: Decisions, Decisions**

* * *

Naruto didn't know what to do. He was conflicted; on one hand the man (whose name he still didn't know) had saved him from a mob. No one had ever done that before. Actually no one besides the Old Man and Iruka had ever lifted a hand to help him. That was nice, that was something a good guy would do. On the other hand the man had systematically pulled apart his dream. That was normal; civilians, shinobi, everyone really did that on an almost daily basis. But this time was different. The man's words had a bitter tinge of truth to them that made Naruto extremely uncomfortable. Pulling apart his dream like that was something a bad guy would do.

Naruto, like most children his age, still lived in a world of absolute black and white. There were good guys and bad guys. There was no in-between, no grey; with the silver-haired man having one good guy deed and one bad guy deed balancing him outhe was a conundrum that made the blonde's brain ache. So, in a rare moment of pragmatism, he decided to go over the pros and cons of the man's offer.

The first thing he had to ask himself was: did he want to leave the village. If he was completely honest with himself his life here was pretty shitty. For some reason or another the villagers had been out to get him for as long as he could remember. Last night had not been the first time he had come close to death at their hands. It wasn't just attempts on his life, either. Some vendors would only sell him rotten food. Others wouldn't sell him clothes that weren't cast-offs. In truth Naruto didn't like orange, he knew it made him a moving target, but he would never admit that. He had too much pride to admit that it had been his only option, that hideous jumpsuit or nothing. And of course there were the attacks on his apartment. His door had locks running up the length of it but somehow they kept getting in. Just last week someone had snuck in while he slept and lit the furniture in his living room on fire. But for some reason, he felt some weird, unexplainable fondness for this place.

The second thing he had to ask himself was if he trusted the man in front of him. The man HAD saved him, this was true. He hadn't done anything outwardly hostile towards him either, but he had seen what the silver haired man had done to those villagers. The man was dangerous, and killed civilians. He obviously wasn't a shinobi, as he had no head band, maybe he was a, what did Iruka-sensei call it, a _revolutionary_. Naruto wasn't _exactly_ sure what that meant but Iruka had said it meant something like someone who had radical ideas about the world. And to the blonde, claiming the shinobi world didn't work was a pretty radical idea. But…maybe it was true. Maybe the shinobi world was flawed. After all, the shinobi of the village hated him for no reason; he was sure he had done nothing to earn their wrath. His pranks, after all, had only been retaliation on the villagers who had screwed him over. A year previous, he had gone through the genealogy and birth records at the Hokage's tower looking for any indication that could tell him the names of his parents. He hadn't found any, he had turned up zilch, nada, nothing. Perhaps his parents were missing-nin who had done something so horrible that Konoha had destroyed every record of them. If that was true then the villagers and shinobi had no right to treat him like this; HE had done nothing wrong, it's not as if he had asked to be born to missing-nin. So maybe, just maybe, the shinobi world was flawed, to let something like that happen. A child being abused for the sins of their parents was something that wasn't supposed to happen in a good city like Konoha. It only happened in the crime comics he sometimes found abandoned in the park. And even in those comics it only happened in a corrupt city, where everything bad that could happen did happen. And, if the world was flawed, then perhaps going with a man who knew that would be good. Maybe the man could train him, help him get better. Maybe, with the man's help, he could try and fix the shinobi world.

"If I went with you," Naruto said slowly, looking at the silver haired man, "would you train me?"

"Yes" The man replied simply.

* * *

Hidan carefully watched Naruto as he thought. The boy really showed too much emotion, he could almost read every thought that was making its way through his head. And that was saying something since Hidan was the NOT most adept at reading emotions. At least the boy wanted training, that would make everything easier. After all, training an unwilling pupil would most certainly be a pain in the ass whether it was for Jashin-sama or not. At length the blonde looked up at him again.

"Okay," he said softly, "I'll go with you," his voice grew stronger, "If and only if you train me to become stronger."

Hidan chuckled, "That's abso-fucking-lutely what I plan to do Naruto"

There was a pause and then Naruto spoke again, sounding almost shy, "I, uh, I still don't know your name"

"It's Hidan," he pushed himself off the bed," Where's your apartment kid? I'm going to go collect your shit while you get a shower."

"Shower?" Naruto said blankly

"Yeah a shower," Hidan rolled his violet eyes, "you know, that thing that sprays you with water. Gets you clean. Ringing any bells?"

"I know what a shower is" Naruto snapped, "Why do I need one though?"

"Well in case you haven't noticed blondie, your hair is coated in blood, you smell like shit, and you're sleeping on a bed I found in a fucking alley for Jashin-sama's sake."

Naruto jumped up from the bed like he had been bitten, "In an alley!?" he squeaked.

Hidan laughed, "Where's your apartment kid" he repeated.

Scowling, the blonde told him where it was and then he stormed off into the adjacent room, slamming the door behind him. There was a moment of silence and then…

"This is a closet" Naruto stated matter-of-factly, voice muffled.

"Yes it is," Hidan replied voice shaking with restrained laughter, "and it's okay to come out of the closet. I won't be upset blondie"

Naruto didn't respond. He simply stepped out of the closet and walked to another door, trying to act dignified. When that door opened to the hall, he cursed loudly and whipped around; stalking across the room to the only remaining door and ignoring Hidan's laughter.

* * *

**A/N: well, thanks for reading. The next chapter will be up the moment I've written and polished it and all that author-ly stuff.**

**Later,**

**Pathetic-really**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own shit**

******Story Alert Thingy: Hey guys! So I stumbled across a new Jashinist Naruto fic. It's called **_**Jashin's Empire**_** and it's written, or being written, by trancepanda. It's AU but the first chapter (the only chapter that's up) is pretty good, well, in my opinion. So do me a favor and stop by and give it a read, yeah? And possibly review? I dropped one but more would probably help, ya know? Reviews are great motivators.**

**Chapter 4**

* * *

Naruto looked around the large stone room and shivered slightly. It was freakin' cold down here! Where is 'here', you ask? Well, that's exactly what the blonde was wondering. The room he was in was large and high-ceilinged. In fact, its ceiling was so high that Naruto could not see it, the roof simply melting into shadows several hundred feet up. A large statue of a regal looking man sitting upon a throne, probably two or three stories high, occupied the far wall. The same triangle symbol that was on Hidan's necklace was carved into the floor and some sort of altar was set up in the middle of it.

"What is this place?" Naruto asked. His words came out in little visible clouds and the blonde smiled. It got cold so rarely in Konoha that he had never really got to see his breath before. He puffed out a couple more breaths just for the hell of it and ran a hand over one of the black stone walls. Then, frowning slightly, he pulled it back as it quickly went numb from the cold.

Hidan leaned his scythe (which he had un-sealed in the forest and then had to put up with several minutes of Naruto exclaiming over how 'awesome' it was) against the altar and shrugged off the heavy cloak he had been using as a disguise.

"This place? It's an old temple from when Jashin-sama had an empire." The violet eyed man said carelessly. He ran a hand over his hair to smooth it back and muttered a curse, he fucking hated that cloak's hood.

"Jasin didn't have an empire"

Hidan scowled slightly, "It's Jashin-sama not," he visibly struggled with the word before spitting it out, "_Jasin_, that's fucking disrespectful…and Jashin-sama did have an empire" he added as an afterthought. He gestured for Naruto to follow him and slowly walked through a brief maze of corridors before entering an old kitchen. Naruto took a seat on one of the chairs near the kitchen table and Hidan walked over to the hearth and began to try and light a fire.

"Jashin-sama didn't have an empire" Naruto said, picking up the conversation again.

The silver haired man gritted his teeth angrily and succeeded in lighting a fire. Stupid damn brat acting like HE was the dumbass just because the little brat didn't listen in his academy's history class…wait…

"Oh yeah? How do you know Jashin-sama didn't have an empire?" he asked, trying (and failing) to keep the irritation out of his voice.

The silver haired man took a seat at the table and there was a pause as the little brat seemed to consider this.

"It wasn't in Iruka-sensei's history book." He finally said, as if the fact it wasn't in an academy's history book closed the issue.

Hidan growled angrily, "Typical close-minded academy bullshit. It's not in Konoha's history book so it didn't exist? Is that the way it is?"

"W-well if it was an empire it would be in the book, wouldn't it?" the boy defended his position but sounded a bit uncertain.

Hidan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He kept forgetting how naive this kid was. Great, just fucking great now he was going to have to give the kid a Jashin damned history lesson.

"Not necessarily kid. Let me ask you a question. If you want to erase something, completely fucking forget it, what do you do?"

The blonde mulled it over for a bit, "Well, you'd stop thinking about it. You wouldn't talk about it, or think about it, or write…" he trailed off and a slow look of comprehension dawned on his face.

"But…why would Konoha want to forget Jashin-sama's empire?"

"Because they're afraid; at one time Jashin-sama's empire ruled the entire known world."

"But if they ruled the world then why aren't they still in control?"

"They got arrogant. The ancient Jashinists let the power get to their heads and began to fucking hold themselves above Jashin-sama. As punishment He allowed the empire to fall."

"So Jashin-sama is…a god? Like Kami?"

Violet eyes rolled in annoyance.

"Kami isn't a god. Kami is a fictional being created to make sure that people try to live up to a certain moral standard. Kami is a security blanket used by those who are afraid of death. They've convinced themselves that if they act all nice and good and righteous," Hidan sneered angrily, "they'll go to some amazing afterlife. And that fear of death and what comes after it keeps them from truly living."

There was more silence as Naruto thought over his words and Hidan contented himself with staring at the fire. It was amazing how circular life seemed sometimes. Here he was telling Naruto what his mentor had told him, in almost the exact same words, in almost the exact same spot. And if this was truly going to complete his déjà vu moment then Naruto was about to ask…

"Then, what is true living?"

Complete circle.

Hidan closed his eyes and slowly recited words he had read a hundred times, "'_live your life, for it is a meaningless, momentary, and fleeting thing. Sate your lusts. If you lust for pleasure, sate it. If you lust for bloodshed, sate it. If you lust for pain, sate it. And one day you will die and sate the ultimate lust; the lust for peace.'" _

"What the hell does that mean?" Naruto asked incredulously.

For a moment the violet eyed man considered answering him, considered fully completing the circle. But, if the blonde was going to grow up to be strong he needed to learn how to think for himself. Spoon feeding the answers to him would not help, he wouldn't truly understand anyway. He would just regurgitate the words back to him like facts from some textbook. No, the circle needed to be broken, the boy needed to learn to think things out.

"Think about it," Hidan said, pushing himself away from the table, "Tell me when you think you understand."

He walked out of the room. Naruto stared after him, confused and mind whirling.

* * *

The blonde tapped his fingers on the table top in a mindless rhythm. _'Think about it'_. okay…think about it…um…where to start? Well, let's take it one part at a time. Naruto got up and retraced his steps back to the entrance hall of the temple. A brief moment later he had dug a small blank scroll and a pencil from his backpack. He trotted back to the kitchen, sat on one of the chairs and quickly scribbled out what Hidan had said.

''_Live your life, for it is a meaningless, momentary, and fleeting thing.'_

Okay, that seemed pretty straight forward. Naruto wasn't sure what fleeting meant but he was pretty sure that momentary meant short, so…life was short? Live your life because it's short and doesn't mean anything? No, that couldn't be right…Live your life because it is…temporary, is that the word? Live your life because you don't have it for long? Yes! That sounded right…okay onto the next part.

'_Sate your lusts. If you lust for pleasure, sate it. If you lust for bloodshed, sate it. If you lust for pain, sate it.'_

Lust? that was like want, right? When you want something sate it? What the hell does sate mean? Could it mean something like do? Do what you want? That kind of made sense. If life was short you should do what you want. So…do what you want? If you want pleasure, have pleasure? If you want bloodshed…that was killing right? So if you want to kill, kill? If you want pain, have pain? That sounded right…well, sort of, anyway.

'_And one day you will die and sate the ultimate lust; the lust for peace.' _

One day you're gonna die and have the ultimate want? The want for peace? That didn't sound right…maybe a direct translation thingy wouldn't help here. The blonde nibbled on the end of the pencil thoughtfully. So, if the biggest want was for peace why could you only get peace after death? Maybe this part was more of Hidan's revolutionary ideas…only able to achieve peace after death? After all Konoha was at peace, it wasn't at war with anyone, and it wasn't dead was it? But, there were still a lot of attacks _in_ Konoha. People got mugged and killed in the red light district all the time and Naruto himself had been attacked several times in the marketplace, or well, he had been attacked everywhere really. And that wasn't peaceful…so maybe true peace could only be found after death? Maybe death was peace? You couldn't fight or anything while you were dead could you? You just lay there and no one bothers you and you don't bother anyone…it would be tranquil. So maybe the line meant that when you die you will finally have true peace? Well, that certainly sounded better than his first attempt at unraveling it.

Naruto scribbled his de-coded version of Hidan's words down at the bottom of the page and stood, intent on showing Hidan what he had done. A large yawn escaped his mouth and he cast his blue eyes towards the floor in front of the hearth. It sure did look warm…he glanced back at the door. It was awfully cold out there…another yawn bubbled up from his chest and Naruto made his decision.

He would show Hidan his scroll _after_ he woke up.

* * *

**A/N:**** I hoped you enjoyed the newest chapter.**

**Bye,**

**Pathetic-really**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

**A/N: brief promo moment for cool fics that I've found, please don't forget to check out the fics: **_**Jashin's Empire**_** by trancepanda, **_**Leeches **_**by othersideofthemirror and **_**Devil's Advocate**_** by livezinshadowz**

**They're pretty killer fics**

**Chapter 5**

* * *

"Wake up brat."

Naruto felt something nudge his side but ignored it in favor of edging close to the hearth and its heat.

"Wake. Up. Brat"

Naruto's face twitched in annoyance as something poked into his side, more forcefully this time.

"Go 'waayyyy" he slurred sleepily, waving a hand in the general direction of the annoyance.

"Oh for the love of Jashin-sama"

Footsteps padded away and the blonde smiled slightly, curling into a ball to preserve his warmth against the numbing cold of the stone floor. He had almost drifted off to sleep again when something cold and wet was dumped on his head.

"AH SHIT!" Naruto bolted upright, hair dripping wet and hanging in his eyes. He pushed the golden locks out of his face and glared balefully at Hidan, who was standing near the table bucket clasped in one hand and eyes sparkling in amusement.

"Oh good you're awake" The silver-haired man said conversationally, "Come on, get up brat. I'm gonna teach you how to walk up the fucking walls today."

Naruto could feel his annoyance slipping away like water through a sieve as the words 'walk on the fucking walls' sank in. That was something they didn't teach at the academy. Tree walking and water walking were the sensei's responsibility to teach their genin. He was gonna learn a genin level skill! And he didn't have to beg anyone one to teach him! Hidan was going to do it without being asked, it was like having a real sensei!

The blonde bounced to his feet, completely oblivious to his dripping hair.

"Oh, I figured out that stuff you told me yesterday" Naruto said brightly, following Hidan down the twisting trail of halls that lead to the atrium.

"You're shitting me?" Hidan quirked an eyebrow and gave the blonde a sideways look, "What do you think it means?"

"Well," the blonde paused and gnawed on his bottom lip, face thoughtful, "I think it means that you gotta live your life because you don't have it for long and since life is short you should do what you want and then you'll die and be at peace."

There was silence and Naruto looked up at Hidan nervously. Maybe he had gotten the meaning wrong, was Hidan disappointed in him? What if he disappointed Hidan so much that he sent him back to the village? He didn't want to go back to the village! He opened his mouth to apologize when the older man began to laugh.

"Well shit kid," Hidan said, still chuckling, "maybe you're not as stupid as I thought. You figured it out a hell of a lot faster than I did."

Naruto couldn't help but grin happily; Hidan had complemented him, albeit in a roundabout way.

They stepped into the atrium and Hidan led the blonde to the far wall.

"Okay, you went to Konoha's Academy. Unless that place is even more fucking incompetent than I thought you should know the basics of directing your chakra to different parts of your body right?"

Naruto nodded and Hidan looked slightly relieved.

"Ah, thank Jashin-sama. I'm worthless at explaining that kind of shit. Anyway," he placed a foot flat against the wall and then slowly lifted his other foot off the ground and pressed it against the wall so that his body was parallel to the floor.

"What you want to do is focus your chakra into the soles of your feet. Put too little chakra in there and you'll fall right the fuck off. Too much chakra and you'll end up launching yourself away like a kunai."

Hidan walked farther up the wall, pulled a blank piece of paper from his pocket, and pressed in onto the wall.

"You're gonna keep at this until you manage to reach this paper."

Naruto eyed the expanse of wall apprehensively, "What happens if I fall?"

Hidan laughed, "Well, try to land on your fucking feet."

The blonde continued to eye the wall apprehensively for a minute before giving himself a brisk mental shake. He could do this! He had to do this!

"Do you have any advice?" the boy asked.

The silver haired man looked thoughtful, "Try and figure out how much chakra you need to stick to the damn wall before you try to walk up the fucking thing."

Naruto nodded determinately and placed a foot against the wall like Hidan had done. He focused on moving his chakra to the soles of his feet and then slowly lifted his other foot to meet the wall.

…

"OW!" the boy rubbed the back of his injured head and muttered several choice curses he had heard Hidan use. He sat upright and ignored the raucous laughter coming from his aforementioned tutor. After several minutes passed and the stream of laughter hadn't stemmed or slowed Naruto twisted around to glare at the man and grumbled,

"It's not that funny"

"Sweet –haha—Jashin-sama—hahaha—you shoulda seen (*pant, pant*) your face" the silver man collapsed into laughter again.

Naruto's eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

* * *

"Ugh, I think my body might just be a giant bruise right now" Naruto rubbed his back tenderly and hissed in pain.

"At least you learned how to do the damn wall walking, and all before dinner too"

"Stone floor, you didn't even bother to put any padding on it. Do you have any idea how high up that piece of paper was? Falling from up there hurt!"

"Bitch,bitch,bitch" Hidan muttered absently, passing the steaming cup of instant ramen to the blonde. The boy ceased his bitching and began to dig in with an almost unholy enthusiasm. The violet eyed man shot the disappearing ramen a disgusted look and carefully pulled the makeshift spit out of the hearth before tearing the leg off the bird impaled on it.

"You know if you bitch this much about pain you're gonna have a real fucking miserable life" He said casually

The blonde boy shot him an inquisitive look and said something that would have been 'what do you mean' if his mouth hadn't been full of noodles, what came out instead more closely resembled this,

"'ha 'ou' en?"

Which of course is complete fucking gibberish, and Hidan happily informed the boy of that only to be met with a half-hearted glare.

Violet eyes rolled and Hidan began to explain,

"Pain is a pretty big part of life brat. Hell, life IS pain. As long as you're alive you're gonna be in some amount of pain. Physical, emotional, mental, whatever the fuck it's gonna be there. And if all you do is focus on it and bitch an' moan life is gonna suck major ass for you. But, if you embrace that pain, you don't gotta fucking _like_ it so wipe that grossed out look off your face, and accept it then life is gonna be a lot easier."

Hidan paused and tossed the bird's leg (which had been picked clean) into the burning fire. He eyed Naruto for a minute, expression thoughtful before shaking his head slightly and pulling the other leg from the bird,

"But, enough of my philosophical bullshit for tonight, no point causing your poor little brain to explode trying to comprehend my shit; just eat up and then go the fuck to sleep, We're gonna start physical training tomorrow."

Naruto cheered through a mouth full of noodles.

* * *

**A/N: a bit of a short chapter, mostly a bridge to the physical training (and yes Naruto will be getting a bad-ass, super-awesome, people-slaughtering, Jashin-sama scythe in case you were wondering) Anyway thanks for reading, please leave a review, and don't forget to check out (and review, spread review love to any and all!) those other fics I mentioned, they're pretty good.**

**GGGGGOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDBBBBBBB YYYYYEEEEEEE CCCCCHHHHHIIIIILLLLLDDDDDSSS SS!**

**Pathetic-really **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything**

**Following the Unholy Priest**

**Chapter 6**

**A/N: hey guys sorry the update took so long. I had to play major catch up with my school stuff.**

**Also I am trying to find a beta reader, however I'm still relatively new to this site and don't really know how to go about it. Would any of you be able to help me with that?**

* * *

Naruto let out feminine screech as a kunai bounced off the wall inches from his left ear.

"Shit! That almost hit me!"

Hidan rolled his eyes, "Really? I had no fucking idea. Don't get your panties in a bunch, that one was dull anyways."

"THAT ONE! Are you telling me that you've been throwing sharp kunai at me?! What the FUCK!"

The violet eyed man smirked slightly, "watch the language Naru-chan."

'Naru-chan's' eye twitched violently, "Don't call me f—"he paused and scowled. Being around Hidan was making him swear like a drunken sailor, "Don't call me Naru-chan."

"Alright blondie," Hidan chuckled at Naruto's irritated twitch, "pick up the kunai. We're still training."

The blonde scowled and knelt to pick up the kunai, fuming. He shoved it into his kunai pouch and straightened up, wincing as his body ached in protest. He had been completely over the moon about the idea of Hidan teaching him how to fight. However this enthusiasm diminished significantly when he realized that 'physical training' meant more than just going through some katas and doing some sparring. Hidan's regiment of physical training started with improving reaction time because, as he explained it to Naruto, 'being able to throw a punch with perfect fucking form isn't going to matter if your opponent is fast enough to stab your ass to death'. However the silver haired man's training to improve reaction time was rather unorthodox. Well, unorthodox may not be the best word, completely fucking insane would probably be more accurate. Hidan's reaction time training basically boiled down to throwing pointy metal projectiles at the blonde. It wasn't just pointy metal projectiles either, Naruto had already been forced to throw himself out of the way of his scythe twice (once on the way to the bathroom. Needless to say that after barely managing to avoid a giant three bladed monster intent on beheading him the bathroom was no longer necessary. Hidan had laughed for twenty minutes.). After The Incident (it had already taken its place as quiet possibly the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to him) Naruto had begun to throw the kunai back at him which had led to some sort of demented dodge-ball game that the blonde had no chance at winning.

Still fuming, Naruto gathered several of the kunai (or 'bitch-stickers' as he had heard Hidan call them earlier) into his hands and launched them in quick succession. Surprisingly most of them were on target with only one veering off to the right. However the kunai that veered would prove to be the most dangerous. Hidan avoided the barrage of bitch-stickers (try saying that three times fast) with ease and leapt gracefully to the side, landing just in time to have the last, previously off-target, kunai insert itself into his throat.

Before a mixture of horror and terror overwhelmed him and stopped him from thinking coherently Naruto had two thoughts, which came within seconds of each other.

The first:

'_Huh, I guess those things weren't dull after all.'_

And the second:

'_OH SHIT!'_

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Sandaime himself, sighed heavily and kneaded his temples tiredly. He puffed relentlessly on his pipe and turned his focus to the person standing in front of his desk.

"Tsume-san, have you made any progress at all towards finding Naruto-kun?"

"No Hokage-sama there's no sign of the demon br—"she backtracked slightly at the glare she was given, "there's no sign of the Uzumaki brat anywhere. His scent goes out into the forest and then vanishes so completely that I'd think he had used a concealment jutsu if he wasn't such a poor excuse for a shinobi."

Sarutobi opened his mouth to defend Naruto's skill but then decided that it would be a lost cause. He knew that Naruto had the potential to be great but Tsume was the type of person who only listened to results and unfortunately the Academy's instructors and their students rarely had anything positive to say about the blonde. So instead he thanked Tsume for her effort, asked her to assign several members of her clan to continue the search, and dismissed her from his office. After relighting his pipe, he stood up from his chair (wincing as his back and knees cracked, the life of a shinobi and old age did quite a number on the body after all) and walked to the window so that he could stare down at the village he was sworn to protect. Looking past the distorted reflection of his own face and office he could see Konohakagure bustling with activity in the early dusk. Shop owners were lighting the lanterns outside of their shops, people were going home after a hard day's work or going to grab a bite to eat, and recently off-duty shinobi joked with each other on the rooftops. Despite all this movement Sarutobi felt as if the city wasn't nearly as alive as it was when Naruto, who looked so much like his father and acted so much like his mother, was around. The city seemed almost hollow without the energetic orange wearing loudmouth in it.

Naruto was gone. Gone. Even if he was safe Sarutobi would still feel as if he had failed the Yondaime. He had been asked to keep the boy safe and he had disappeared into thin air. Even before that he had failed though. He was never around, being Hokage was an extremely busy job after all, and Naruto had suffered for it. But no more, he would find Naruto, bring him back to Konoha, and look after him like he should have from the beginning.

"Naruto," he whispered, "I will bring you back home."

He exhaled a cloud of smoke and hoped that his honorary grandson was alright.

* * *

'_shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitsh itshitshitshitshit'_

When you begin to panic your brain seems to either go blank or begin repeating a word over and over like a skipping record. Thankfully Naruto didn't have to endure this repetitive shit for long. After probably about ten seconds of silence that felt like a millennium to the blonde Hidan spoke.

"Ooowwww. For the love of Jashin-sama what the FUCK blondie! That shit hurt! In a bad way!"

Naruto could feel his jaw make contact with his chest.

* * *

**A/N: alright well that makes chapter six, it was a tad short I will admit but the next chapter is much longer.**

**Anyway promo moment here, some delightful fics I've found are:**

_**Jashin's Empire **_**by trancepanda, **_**Devil's Advocate**_** by livezinshadowz, **_**My Wish Order Brother **_**by PiperDreamer, and **_**Leeches**_** by othersideofthemirror.**

**Ja ne,**

**Pathetic-really.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything**

**An Overview of Jashinism by Hidan.**

**(Alternative Title: Shut the Fuck Up and Listen Brat!)**

**A/N: I wanna apologize for two things before we start. First I am SO, SO SORRY that the update took this long. I've been suffering from writers block and it's a bigger bitch then Kyle's mom. Also I apologize beforehand if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes, I've been meaning to get a beta-reader but well, I've been working a lot and excuses, excuses, etc. etc.**

* * *

"W..wha…how?...I…You…stab."

"Yep."

"You…neck…wha?" Naruto stammered and made a vague stabbing gesture at his neck with one hand.

"Fuckin'-A right." Hidan said agreeably.

The blonde stared, mouth opening and closing in a remarkable facsimile of a fish. Hidan informed him of his fish-ness and carelessly wrenched the kunai from his neck, uttering a word that would have made even the drunkest of sailors blush. The shame-inducing word (which probably would have given a nun a heart attack) was what snapped Naruto out of his haze.

"HOW THE HELL AREN'T YOU DEAD?!"

"I'm a Jashinist." The silver haired man shrugged carelessly.

"AND I'M AN UZUMAKI, WHAT THE HELL DOES YOUR LAST NAME HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!"

Violet eyes narrowed in annoyance, "I'm really hoping that shock fried your brain and that you're not actually this fucking stupid blondie. Jashinist isn't a name, it's a religion. Now would you calm the fuck down? Jashin-sama, you scream like a bitch."

Naruto growled at the bitch comment and took several deep breaths, trying to get his heartbeat to go back to its normal pace. It took about ten minutes for the blonde to calm down enough to have an intelligent conversation (it would have only taken five minutes but Naruto had spotted Hidan's infuriating smirk and been forced to start over again).

When Naruto had finally mastered the urge to stab Hidan, he asked the question that was at the forefront of his mind, "How do I become a Jashinist?"

Hidan looked momentarily taken aback, obviously having been expecting more fish impressions and stammering, "There's a conversion ritual. That shit will kill you if you aren't fully committed though."

Thoughts were racing a mile-a-minute underneath Naruto's mop of blonde hair. Seeing as he had been alternately loathed and ignored by his village while growing up he had spent a lot of time looking for something powerful enough to make people sit up and _notice_ him. Really notice him, to see him as Naruto "the next Hokage" Uzumaki, and not as the 'demon brat' or 'monster'. If being immortal didn't get him recognition then nothing would.

Naruto nodded resolutely, "I want to be a Jashinist," he said firmly.

Hidan stared at him, eyes seeming to glow. After several long moments he nodded back, "If you want to convert then I'll have to give you a Jashin-damned history lesson. So you might as well sit the hell down. This'll take a while."

Naruto plopped down onto the cold stone floor, staring attentively up at Hidan. The older man crossed his arms and leaned back against the stone altar.

"Well I guess I should start by explaining who the great Jashin-sama is. Jashin-sama is the God of Death, which basically makes him the god of well…fucking everything, really."

"How does—"

"Shut the fuck up and listen brat! Think about it for a minute, what doesn't die? People die, trees die, plants, animals, I mean even the stars are dead for fuck's sake. That seems like pretty much everything to me. Now, people who worship Jashin-sama are called Jashinists, in case you fucking forgot. Jashin-sama grants his followers immortality on the condition that they send on other people's souls to him. Yes, that means killing them. We have a ritual for that too; come to think of it we have a ritual for pretty much everything. Um, shit, off topic. Anyway, each Jashinist is assigned a soul quota based on how powerful they are. The quotas have to be filled before each of the equinoxes, which are considered holy days. Now, seeing as almost all Jashinists are incredibly powerful their quotas are usually very high, which is why they either wander from country to country or stay in remote regions. After all, mass murder attracts attention like a whore attracts STD's."

"What's an STD?"

"Uh…" Hidan rubbed the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable, "I'll tell you when you're older. Not the damn point…shut the fuck up and listen brat. "

"Now there are four ways to convert to Jashinism; the first is to be found by the Council of Jashin, although seeing as they were all imprisoned and starved to death by Kirigakure a couple years back that's not really an option anymore. So, fuck it, I guess there are only three ways to convert to Jashinism. You can accidently find one of the temples—there's a temple in each country, in case I forgot to mention—that's pretty damn rare though. There are some crazy serious security measures on some of them; the odds are that you'll die a painful and shitty death. Nowadays the most common way to convert is to make a deal with Jashin-sama. Ya' see brat there are some people who are just cut out to serve Jashin-sama—I'd call them batshit crazy murderers but then I'd be a hypocrite—and when they die Jashin-sama will offer to give them their life back if they pledge to serve him. The third way is to have a Jashinist take you as his apprentice, which is what happened to you. But, well, I'm pretty sure this is the first time a Jashinist has ever taken an apprentice so you're a special case here."

"I-I'm your apprentice?" Naruto's face reddened slightly, although he didn't know why.

Hidan scowled, "Yeah, you are. Got a fucking problem with that?"

Naruto reddened even further and fidgeted uncomfortably, "No! No of course not. It's just that…well… are you sure you want _me_?"

A silver eyebrow quirked, "And what the fuck's wrong with you?"

The blonde fidgeted more and stared hard at the floor. He continued on hesitantly, "Well…it's just that…the villagers said…I'm always being called a loser and a monster and—"

Naruto was cut off as Hidan began to laugh. He laughed so hard that he doubled over, clutching his stomach. After several minutes of near hysterical laughter the silver-haired man straightened up, wiping his eyes and still chuckling.

"Kid…Naruto, I'm an S rank missing nin who murdered his entire fucking village, if anyone's a monster here it's me. And loser? I call total bullshit on that. No loser would have been able to learn how to wall walk in a fucking day. The people in Konoha were just being dicks to you. They had something shoved up their ass and they were taking it out on you. Those fucks are pathetic, really."

It took a moment for everything Hidan had said to sink in and then Naruto looked up, smiling hesitantly, "So…you mean it then?...I-I'm your apprentice, really?"

Violet eyes rolled in annoyance, "That's what I said you dumbass. Or do you think I just pull emotional speeches outta my ass for fun?"

Naruto's smile widened until it lit up the room.

* * *

**A/N: And there is a chapter. I admit it's a tad short but it's more of a bridge chapter to the Jashinist training and what not. (I can hear you all screaming "GET TO THE FUCKING SCYTHE AND KILLING ALREADY!" and we're getting there I promise!)**

**Reviews would be nice, even if it's as simple as a 'good story' or complex as a 'next time you leave us waiting that long for a chapter I'll track you down and brutally murder you'.**

**Have a nice day/night/alternate dimension smecklon,**

**Pathetic-really.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own not a Jashin-damned thing**

**Moving to a New temple and Explaining the Conversion Ritual.**

**(Alternate Title: Seriously, shut the fuck up I'm talking)**

**A/N: THERE ARE TWO IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER. READ THEM!**

* * *

A week later Hidan announced that they were leaving the temple in Konoha and heading towards another temple in the Land of Swamps. He had told Naruto that they were changing location because they needed to get him a scythe and they were all stored in the Swamp Temple. This was true, but it wasn't the real reason that he was making them move. Hidan was nervous. The Hokage was still sending out daily search parties, each with two to three Inuzuka clan members in them, and every day they seemed to be getting closer and closer to the entrance of the temple. There were many security protections in place near the entrance, nearly all of them deadly, but that didn't mean that the Konoha shinobi couldn't find a way in if they were determined enough. 'If there's a will there's a way' was a saying that Hidan had taken to heart at an early age and, despite having destroyed entire villages in the past, he had no desire to face off against the brunt of Konoha's military might.

Hidan led Naruto into the temple's library and weaved through the dusty shelves. The air was cold, even colder than the rest of the temple, and Naruto began to shiver.

"Ah, for the love of Jashin-sama it's cold in here." he muttered.

The silver haired man glanced over his shoulder at the blonde, feeling surprised that Naruto was using Jashin-sama's name so easily in place of Kami's.

He shrugged, "It's not that cold. Man the hell up brat."

"Man up? That's funny coming from someone who spends more time on his hair than any girl I've ever met."

Hidan growled and glared at Naruto who, instead of being intimidated, just grinned cheekily up at him. After a moment he sighed in frustration and turned back to the shelf that he had been studying. Naruto was the first person he had met in nearly a decade that he couldn't intimidate into backing down with a glare and it was _so_ fucking annoying. Not for the first time he wondered if he shouldn't have given that emotional speech. And, not for the first time, he remembered the amazingly bright smile the blonde had given him. A warm little glow started in his normally cold chest and he cursed mentally.

'_I've known this kid for a week and a half and I already care this much about him? What the fuck heart? Seriously, what the fuck?'_

Still wondering why his heart seemed to come back after a decade of absence he pulled a book from the shelf and pressed his palm against the Jashinist symbol carved into the wall behind it. The book case moved to the right with a loud rumbling scrape to reveal a door. Hidan pushed it open and gestured for Naruto to step inside.

"What's this?" Naruto asked, stepping into the dark tunnel beyond the doorway.

"This," Hidan stepped in after him and closed the door. There was a moment where they stood in complete darkness and then the tunnel was illuminated by a soft, ethereal blue glow, "is an escape tunnel. It'll take us just past the border of the Land of Rivers."

They set off, footsteps echoing off the expanse of stone.

Naruto adjusted the shoulder strap of his rucksack and sped up a little so that he could walk backwards in front of Hidan.

"So," he said eagerly, "when do I get a cool scythe like you?"

"Not until you've gone through the conversion ritual brat."

Naruto pouted, "Why do I have to wait so long?"

"Because I fucking said so."

"But whhhhyyyyyyy?" he whined.

Hidan reached up over his shoulder and grabbed the handle of his scythe, "Learning to wave one of these fucking things around without hurting yourself is a bitch. Hell, when I was learning I somehow managed to put this thing through my Jashin-damned chest. Would you rather wait until you've gone through the conversion ritual or run the risk of literally killing yourself with stupidity?"

Naruto pouted harder, scrunching up his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest. After a long moment he grudgingly muttered, "I'd rather wait."

"See?" Hidan chuckled jovially, "I knew you weren't a complete idiot."

"Yeah, I guess…HEY!" Naruto tried to glare at him without compromising his pre-existing pout and managed to look completely ridiculous. Still pout-glaring he fell into step with Hidan.

They walked in silence for a while. Hidan didn't mind, he never really realized how much he enjoyed silence until he had 'adopted' the brat and silence had all but disappeared. The silver haired man got to savor fifteen minutes of silence before Naruto's near insatiable curiosity caused him to begin speaking again.

"So what is this conversion ritual? You haven't really told me anything about it besides that it could kill me."

"Huh, I guess I haven't, have I? Well the conversion ritual is a seventeen day trial passed down from the earliest Jashinist. Each temple has a conversion chamber in its lowest level. The initiate being tested is given a ritual knife and locked in the conversion chamber for seventeen days. On ea—"

"But what about food and water?"

"Shut the fuck up brat, I'm talking. Now everyday a—"

"But seventeen days is a long time. Wouldn't you starve to death?"

"Humans can go weeks without food if they have to, now would you shut up? For the love of Jashin-sama—"

"Water, though. You'd die without water. You'd get dehy..hyder…dehyderated."

"The word is dehydrated you little fucker. Now seriously, shut up. I'm talking."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, jeez. It's just that—"

"SHUT UP!"

Hidan tugged his hair in frustration and glared at Naruto, mentally repeating the mantra _'must not kill the brat. Must not kill the brat. Must not kill the brat.'_

Naruto grinned cheekily, "Sorry Hidan-sensei," he said, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

Hidan took a deep breath and ran a hand over his hair, smoothing it back into place.

"Okay. Now, once a day a man will appear in the conversion chamber with you. There's been a lot of debate about whether or not this man is Jashin-sama himself or one of the lesser spirits that serve him, that's not fucking important though. The man will hurt himself and you have to recreate the wound on your own body. This is a sign of devotion to the faith and a test of dedication. The wounds get progressively more serious as the ritual progresses."

He paused because Naruto looked a little green in the face.

The blonde swallowed heavily, "How bad does it get?" he asked shakily.

Hidan stopped walking and held out his left hand, palm facing the ground and fingers splayed. He twitched his pinky and ring finger, drawing attention to the thin lines of scar tissue at their base.

"When the ritual ended I forced the priests to reattach them." He stated solemnly.

Naruto gulped audibly and let out a shaky breath, "Wow, that's…that's f-fucked up."

Hidan said nothing. They began walking again and soon enough Naruto asked another question.

"What happens after that?"

"Well, the test of dedication lasts sixteen days. Then on the seventeenth day the man appears again only this time, instead of hurting himself, he'll put his hands on you. This is the part of the ritual that hurts the most, but whatever you do you _cannot_ break his hold on you."

"What does he do?" Naruto asked fearfully.

"He forces your body to change. Let's say your body would be at its fucking best, its peak, when your twenty-one. He would put his hands on you and force your body to age until it's twenty-one. Ya' see brat, Jashinists age differently than other people. Our bodies only age a year for every ten that normal people would age. Another fucking fun fact is that we can also survive almost indefinitely without food and almost two months without water. We're the fucking apex predators."

The blonde looked scared shitless. "Well," he said weakly, "at least I might get a little taller." He tried to chuckle but all that came out was a panicked sounding gasp.

* * *

The room was small, probably only seven feet tall and ten feet across, and it felt more like an ornate tomb than anything. A statue of a crow, carved from the same sand colored stone as the rest of the room, stood against the far wall. Its neck was bent and its shoulders scraped against the ceiling. Liquid of some kind dripped from its outstretched beak.

"Are you sure you wanna do this kid? I mean, we just got here. It can wait a couple of days."

Naruto tightened his grip on the ritual knife. It's roughly hewn stone handle felt uncomfortable against his skin.

"I'm sure," the boy said firmly.

Hidan watched him for a moment with unreadable violet eyes and then nodded slowly. His head disappeared from the opening in the room's ceiling and after a moment the sound of stone scraping over stone reached Naruto's ears. The slab of stone slowly slid into place above him and he was left in the dark.

* * *

**A/N: Okay first announcement. From now on I'm going to try and make the chapters longer. Obviously this means that the amount of time between updates is going to increase. Just wanted to give you fair warning about that.**

**The second announcement is that I have started and posted a new Jashin related story called **_**Sentient Evil. **_**Here's the summary.**

_**When the Uzumaki family moved into their new home they had no idea that something in the house would compel their eldest son to murder them. When Special Detective Kurenai Yuhi is given the case the only clue she can find is one word, carved into the walls. Jashin.**_

**So, do me a favor and check that story out.**

**Anyway have a great existence,**

**Pathetic-really**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: own nothing**

**The Ritual.**

* * *

The conversion chamber was incredibly dark. The inky blackness was practically palpable. It didn't bother Naruto though. He had always been able to see exceptionally well in the dark and being stuck in a dark room was nothing new to him. The electric company in Konoha made a habit of turning off his power about once or twice a month (yet another reason why he liked instant noodles, they wouldn't spoil if his refrigerator stopped working). He sat down on the floor and tried to get as comfortable on the roughly hewn stone as he could.

Naruto had never understood the phrase 'deafening silence' before but now its meaning was perfectly clear. The lack of sound was extremely oppressive; he could feel it pressing down on his ear drums like a heavy weight. He tried humming to relieve the silence but it sounded flat and oddly weak in the enclosed space. He stopped humming and, now that his eyes had adjusted, decided to examine the room again.

The walls looked as if they had been carved or chipped away by someone with rage issues. The stone dipped inward or extended outward erratically, the peaks coming to jagged points. The floor was not much better. Most of the stone's jagged edges had been chipped or worn away by time and previous initiates but the dips still made getting comfortable or standing levelly a chore. The only thing in the room that looked as if it had been carved by someone who knew what they were doing was the crow statue, which was emitting an extremely faint ethereal light. The light was so faint that Naruto hadn't noticed it at first seeing as all it did was make the statue a slightly lighter shade of the room's all encompassing darkness.

Naruto took a deep breath and heaved a sigh, frowning slightly at the smell. The air smelled like an unpleasant mixture of the marshy smell that permeated the Swamp Temple, blood, and a faint whiff of excrement from the hole that served as a toilet in the far end of the room. He shifted, trying to get into a more comfortable position (the lumpy floor was already getting on his nerves), and grimaced as his shirt stuck to him. Unlike the Konoha Temple (Hidan-sensei had told him it was called the Obsidian Temple but the blonde had decided calling it the Konoha Temple was easier) the Swamp Temple was not unnaturally cold. The Temple was hidden in the backwoods of one of the many swamps in the aptly named Land of Swamps, and as a result, it was usually very hot and almost unbearably humid. Naruto had shoved his almost trademark orange and blue jacket into his traveling pack only a day after crossing the border into the Land of Swamps and had used a kunai to cut his shinobi pants off at his knees but he had still spent most of the trip with his hair plastered to his forehead and his clothes clinging to his body. When he had complained to Hidan-sensei the silver haired man, who had stripped to the waist before they had even crossed the border, simply laughed at him and told him to "Man the fuck up."

Still grimacing, he peeled off his shirt and tossed it onto the ground next to him. He leaned back against the wall and hissed in pain as one of the jagged peaks scratched his shoulder blade. Settling in as best he could, he allowed his mind to wander, hoping that time wouldn't move as slowly as he feared.

* * *

A sound.

Naruto jerked out of his doze and sprang to his feet. The rocks scratched his back, drawing blood, but he ignored it. He waited, listening hard, gripping the ritual knife tightly.

There! There it was again!

The sound of cracking bones and popping joints was coming from the crow statue. The ethereal light around the statue had intensified. Naruto could see every detail of it, from the swirls in its eyes to the three tail feathers that scraped the floor. He swore softly in surprise. A hand, skeletally thin and long fingered, was protruding from the bird's beak. As Naruto watched the hand twisted (there was another pop and crack as it moved) and extended farther out. Now he could see part of the forearm. A mixture of terror and morbid curiosity kept him rooted in place as the creature extricated itself from the beak. The creature's body was long and thin, cracking and popping with every movement, and when the feet of the thing slid free it fell to the floor, somehow managing to land in a catlike crouch.

Naruto stared at it and dropped into a fighting stance in case the thing attacked. Then it clicked, this must be the spirit that Hidan-sensei had mentioned. The thing that was either Jashin-sama or a spirit that served Jashin-sama. He relaxed slightly but didn't lower the knife completely; the Spirit had an aura to it that made him uncomfortable. Its very presence made Naruto's skin simultaneously crawl and buzz like a power line. It stood and he got his first good look at it.

The Spirit's skin was a sickly and dead grey color. Its large eyes were a predatory yellow offset by flecks of violet. Dark rags clung to its skeletal frame and its dirty slicked-back hair scraped against its shoulder blades. Jashin's Holy Symbol was emblazoned in the middle of the creature's forehead and the tips of its ears tapered to a point. The Spirit looked up at him and smiled. Its teeth looked relatively normal, although its incisors were incredibly sharp, and they were faintly stained with something red. They stared at each other for a moment and then the Spirit spoke. Its voice reverberated inside Naruto's head and pressed against the back of his eyes.

"I wonder fox boy, have you seen it? Have you seen infinity and the end of time? Will you serve the Old One?"

"Wh—what? What the hell are you talking about?" Naruto asked uneasily. He tightened his grip on the knife.

The Spirit moved towards him on all fours, cracking and popping. When it reached him it straightened up, its thin body unfolding. It stood a head and shoulders above Naruto. One sharp nailed hand reached out, sliding through the air less than an inch from his cheek. When it came near him the buzzing feeling intensified so much that the boy jumped.

"Will you serve?" Its voice was louder now, and the pressure behind Naruto's eyes intensified until it felt like they would pop out of his skull. "My Master draws near."

The finger drew back. The Spirit pressed the claw like nail against its chest and pulled downward. Grey skin split open but not blood came out. Yellow eyes stared at him expectantly and after a moment Naruto grasped what it wanted, the test of dedication. The blonde pressed the stone blade against his chest and pulled it slowly downward. He felt a thin line of glassy pain and then blood began to trickle down his torso.

The Spirit smiled at him and then disappeared. One second it was there and the next it had simply vanished. The statue's glow faded away moments later, leaving the blonde in the dark.

* * *

After the Spirit's first visit time began to move in dollops, disappearing faster than he could keep track of. The creature would appear, speak a line of gibberish, administer the test of dedication, and then disappear. The pain faded into the background. Each day a new cut, or broken bone, or a bite mark was added to his already aching body.

* * *

Day 2.

Naruto was ready and waiting when the Spirit came the next day. Before it had even fully extricated itself from the statue Naruto was speaking.

"I will serve."

The creature stared at him for a moment and then nodded almost imperceptibly.

"The King of Corpses sits in his palace, waiting for the time to come. The time where the Nine will blot out the sun."

"The Nine? What the hell is the Nine? What're you talking about?"

That test that day left a cut across his hipbones. Every time he shifted the waistband of his pants would scrape against it and cause it to reopen. After several hours of on and off bleeding Naruto pulled his pants down just far enough that the wound wouldn't be irritated.

He was incredibly thirsty.

* * *

Day 3.

"What is the Nine? What does it mean?"

"And the moon shall be His, the cold rock in even colder space and He shall use it to set loose gibbering, slobbering horrors. Creatures born from the womb of death and formed by his infinite hatred."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

His index finger broke with a nauseating crack. Naruto retched but his empty stomach produced nothing but a small amount of acidic bile. He was already incredibly thirsty and the bile made his throat burn horribly. The blonde shoved his head underneath the open beak of the crow, opening his mouth and letting the liquid dripping from its beak fall into his mouth. It was warm and coppery and it slid thickly down his parched throat.

* * *

Day 7.

"Oh the hate, have you felt it? I can feel it in you, burning in your chest, suppressed by men who lacked vision. They did not see yet they should have."

The knife punched a hole in his palm. Naruto tore off a strip of his discarded shirt to wrap it with. It soaked through within moments.

* * *

After day seven Naruto began to worry that he was losing his mind. When the Spirit spoke he would see visions swirling behind his eyes and he began to look forward to the tests of dedication. The pain was still there, it was monstrous now, but after the initial pain euphoria would sweep through him. A mixture of joy and pleasure would course through his body like a tidal wave and he found himself laughing and screaming.

"_The time will come soon and He shall come with it, bringing infinite noise and eternal silence."_

The sky was orange, lit by the world which burned with the fires of damnation. The village was alight and the villagers were as well. Those that weren't ablaze ran but they did not get away. Creatures so alien that Naruto's mind could scarcely comprehend their outlines ran down those who tried to flee. As Naruto watched some villagers tried to hide in the shadows but even the shadows had turned traitor. They writhed and grabbed, pulling people in. Cloaked figures ran through the streets, many howling and laughing and hooting, cutting down anyone in their path.

"_The Dread Lord grows weary of waiting for the Long Days to gather souls. Soon the Long Days will end and the Long Night will begin."_

A regal looking man, the Dread Lord Jashin himself, sat upon a throne made of corpses, head resting on a hand. Cloaked figures danced to primitive drumbeats, screams, and flutes below him. It was the equinox and all the soul quotas were due. The scene wavered and morphed back into the burning village only this time Jashin-sama was standing atop the tallest building, smiling amusedly.

"_Yes he knows all, books and scrolls and jutsu that no mortal should posses lest they drive him mad. But we are not mortals are we Dead Brother? We are merely corpse-shells holding something far greater."_

A massive library, stacked full to bursting with tomes. Green balls of flame floated to and fro casting light upon those reading inside.

"_Do you doubt the Dread Lord? I know you did, I could see it in your eyes in the beginning. You wondered if this is the path you wanted. You wondered if you could do what was asked of you. You wondered if you thought any of this through or if you were just following blindly behind the one creature that showed you kindness. I will bring you something on the final day, something that will assuage any doubt that remains. The silver one already has something for you; a translation of a translation handed down and copied from the deserters of my Master. I shall bring you a true copy and in it you will find wonders."_

The Spirit placed its hands on either side of Naruto's face. Pain, far greater than anything he could have even imagined before, ripped through his body. His eyes burned as if they were on fire and his scalp was bleeding. He could feel his bones breaking, growing, and reforming. His muscles writhed, expanding and contracting underneath his skin. A lance of molten pain passed through his brain and everything went black.

* * *

When he opened his eyes he was standing in a great sewer. Water dripped from the ceiling and pooled around his ankles. He walked forward, feeling compelled and not knowing why. He was vaguely aware of the Spirit cracking and popping beside him. They emerged from the pipe and stood before great iron bars. A gargantuan orange hand shot through the bars, snapping closed inches from Naruto's face.

"So my jailer finally deigns to visit me and you brought…that." A deep growling voice, malevolence given sound, grated against his ears.

The Spirit straightened up and inclined its head, "You are the Nine. Greetings."

"This is the Nine you were talking about? What the fuck is thing anyway?"

"Insolent whelp! I am the Kyuubi, greatest of the Bijuu! Destroyer of villages and devourer of souls!"

"Th-the Kyuubi?" Naruto whispered, shock coursing through his body. This is why they called him a monster in Konoha. The demon was inside him! How? How did this happen and who did this to him? Shock gave way to hatred that he had never known before. He would kill whoever had done this to him, the one who had forced this abomination on him. He looked up into the Kyuubi's face and felt the hatred intensify. It was this things fucking fault that he was so hated. The reason he had been nearly beaten to death multiple times, the reason he lived alone in a shitty apartment, constantly fearing whatever depraved thing the villagers would try next.

"How do I destroy this thing?" he asked the Spirit, his voice arctic cold.

"Destroy me? What is this insolence? I am the Kyuubi, I cannot be destroyed by some brat. Now release me from this thrice-damned seal."

"How. Do. I. Destroy. It."

"The beast is quite arrogant," the Spirit observed, "in my Lord's court he would be skinned alive for such disrespect."

"Your Lord? _Jashin_? He is no Lord, he is a demon on a power trip. If I was free of this cage I would gnaw the flesh from his bones."

"You dare?" the Spirit hissed, taking a step forward, "You, a mangy beast made of barely sentient chakra, have the nerve to insult the Dread Lord?"

The Kyuubi snarled, "I will piss on your Lord's grave."

The Spirit paled in fury, "When the Long Night comes I will see your bones decorate the King's palace."

The Kyuubi turned his attention back to Naruto, "Release me now whelp and I may consider killing you quickly."

The boy looked up at the demon, hatred still burning like cold fire in his chest. This abomination had made his life hell and now had the nerve to make demands of him.

"I will see you bones rot in Jashin-sama's palace."

The Kyuubi screamed, nearly inarticulate in his rage, shoving his hands through the bars in an attempt to get at him.

"I WILL KILL YOU WHELP! THIS SEAL WON'T HOLD FOREVER AND WHEN I GET FREE I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME? I WILL RIP YOUR FLESH FROM YOUR BONES!"

Naruto turned to walk away. There was another molten spike of pain and everything went black.

* * *

When he woke up he was alone in the conversion chamber. His throat was so dry that it felt like it was lined with sandpaper. His stomach was a ball of hungry agony. His broken bones ached and pulsed. His cuts burned and the empty space where his right pinky used to be was complete agony. A headache like none he had ever known pounded behind his eyelids. He opened his eyes slowly, wincing as even the faintest light sent shards of pain shooting around inside his skull.

A book, a foot thick and bound in fraying violet fabric, rested on the uneven floor in front of him. Resting on the cover of the book was Naruto's amputated pinky. The sound of stone scraping against stone caused another burst of pain and light flooded into the room. He groaned brokenly as the light set off a supernova of pain. For the third time everything went dark.

* * *

He regained consciousness with startling abruptness.

"Oh Shit! You're awake!"

"H-Hidan-sensei?" Naruto's voice was faint and dusty. Every word came with a heavy toll on his throat.

"Noooo, I'm the fucking Hokage."

"Ha-ha-ha." He muttered sarcastically.

"Can you sit up?"

Naruto didn't answer verbally, instead deciding to try and lift his torso off the floor. Every inch of movement felt like his insides was being pulled from his stomach. When he was finally upright, he glanced around. He was in the sleeping quarters of the Temple and what he thought was the floor was actually an extremely uncomfortable bed. He was still dressed in the clothes he had worn in the conversion chamber. Naruto glanced down at himself. The wounds on his chest and arms had healed at some point, probably due to the Kyuubi causing his body to heal at an abnormally fast rate. He scowled when he thought of the Kyuubi. The icy ball of rage ignited in his chest again.

"So I managed to reattach your fucking pinky kid. The scar is pretty fucking ugly but at least you'll have all ten fingers."

"Yeah, thanks."

He coughed and Hidan pressed a canteen into his hand. He took a sip and sighed contentedly as the water slid down his throat.

"So how do I look? Did I get any taller?" Naruto asked, half-joking.

"Yeah, you're fucking taller. Not as tall as me though, brat."

"Bummer." The blonde swung his legs off the bed with a groan and got unsteadily to his feet. "Is there a mirror around here? I wanna see the new me."

"I dug a mirror out of the storage chamber but before I let you see it I gotta fucking warn you, you look a little…different than before."

"Different? Different how?" Naruto asked, feeling slightly panicked by the way Hidan had hesitated.

"Calm the fuck down kid, it's nothing bad. I just have no fucking clue how it happened. I think it's because you're my apprentice but I can't really prove that 'cause you're like the first apprentice in…fucking forever."

"What happened?!"

"Chill the fuck ou—"

"What the fuck happened to me!"

Frustrated, Hidan unceremoniously picked up a large mirror to the floor and thrust it in front of Naruto. The boy stared at himself for a moment and then laughed in relief.

"For the love of Jashin-sama when you said different I thought I'd have fucking pointy ears or gills or some shit. You freaked me the hell out Hidan-sensei."

"Yeah, well seeing as you overreact to fucking everything I thought I should give you some fucking warning."

"Aw, that's sweet Hidan-sensei," Naruto laughed as Hidan told the blonde to go fuck himself, "and I do not overreact to everything." he added as an afterthough.

"Do to."

"Do not."

"Do to."

"Do not."

"Do to."

"Aren't you a grown-ass man?"

"…fuck you."

Naruto laughed and went back to studying himself in the mirror. As he had hoped, he had gotten taller. Now he was only an inch or two shorter than Hidan-sensei. His torso had several new scars and his thin frame was packed with wiry muscle. His hair was still blonde but now it was laced with silver. Similarly his irises now had several violet streaks running through them. Personally he thought he looked pretty damned good.

"Hey brat if you're done checking yourself out we need to talk about something."

Naruto turned around, "talk about what?"

Hidan held up the thick book from the conversion chamber, "How did you get this?"

* * *

**A/N: BOOM! Longer chapter! Enjoy it and review it.**

**Later,**

**Pathetic-really**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**When the news breaks.**

**A/N: AAHHHH! HOLY SHIT ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS! YES! PRAISE JASHIN-SAMA! THANK YOU ALL! EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED, I DON'T KNOW YOU BUT I PLATONICALLY FUCKING LOVE YOU!**

**On a less energetic side note I have started a new story. It's called **_**When One Jinchuuriki Raises Another**_** and it is a Utakata/Naruto mentor fic. The first chapter is up so do me a favor and give that a look-see.**

**Here's the summary:  
**_After his master's betrayal Utakata fled to Konoha, hoping to hide in plain sight as a civilian. He had no idea how he ended up working in a ramen shop and rooming with a hyper-active blonde boy._

* * *

"Sarutobi-sensei what did you bring me back here for?" Jiraiya, super pervert and Toad Sage, walked into the Hokage's office grinning widely. He flopped down into the chair across from the Hokage. "And what's with sending Kakashi to find me? I mean, I'm flattered that he understands the awesomeness that is my Icha Icha series but he spent the whole trip trying to get an advance copy of my next book."

"Jiraiya, something serious has happened." Sarutobi punctuated his grave statement with a single puff of smoke from his pipe.

Jiraiya grinned easily, "What? Finally decide that you're too old to wear the fancy hat? Well sorry to tell you that I can't be the next Hokage, I've got far too much research to do."

"This is serious Jiraiya."

"That's your business voice, oh no, what happened? Did Guy stop wearing spandex?" Jiraiya chuckled at his own joke, obviously not taking the situation seriously.

Sarutobi sighed at his student's antics, "Jiraiya, please take this seriously. It is incredibly important."

The Toad Sage examined the Hokage's face, taking in the deep lines of worry around his mouth and eyes. The man looked like he had aged a decade, and he hadn't stopped puffing on his pipe since Jiraiya entered the room. Jiraiya hadn't seen Sarutobi-sensei looked this worn out since Orochimaru's defection. The seriousness of the situation finally sank in and the self-proclaimed super pervert straightened up in his chair, watching the Hokage intently.

"What's wrong Sarutobi-sensei?"

Sarutobi took a deep, steadying breath, "Naruto-kun is missing."

It took a moment for Jiraiya to process what his sensei had said. His first thought was that this was all some elaborate prank, but another look at Sarutobi's tired face dissuaded him of that idea. Momentary shock was replaced by anger.

"What! Missing? How can he be missing? You were supposed to be looking out for him! He's Minato's kid for God's sake! What, did you just let him wander out of the village? You were supposed to have people guarding him, dammit! What if Iwa took him to get retribution for all the shinobi they lost to the Yellow Flash?"

Jiraiya didn't realize that he had stood up and began pacing until he accidently knocked over the chair he had been sitting in. Slightly startled at his own outburst, he set the chair upright and sat down again.

"Jiraiya, calm down, take a deep breath. It wasn't Iwa, the Inuzuka trackers confirmed it. Naruto was alone when he left the village; his was the only scent that could be found."

Jiraiya took a deep breath and ran a calloused hand over his face, "If the Inuzuka found his scent why do you need my help?"

"His scent completely disappeared about two miles into the forest, not even Tsume-san can find it."

"What!" he rocketed to his feet once more. This was bad, very bad. The Inuzuka clan was notorious for being some of the best trackers in the world and Tsume Inuzuka was the best of the best. It was rumored that not even a powerful concealment jutsu could hide a scent from her. If she completely lost Naruto's scent then something was incredibly, undeniably wrong.

Sarutobi tamped more tobacco into his pipe and relit it. "Jiraiya, your spy network is legendary; I need you to get everyone you have to start looking for Naruto."

* * *

_Recap:_

"_Hey brat if you're done checking yourself out we need to talk about something."_

_Naruto turned around, "talk about what?"_

_Hidan held up the thick book from the conversion chamber, "How did you get this?"_

"That? Oh the Spirit gave it to me. What is it anyway? The Spirit didn't really say, it just kinda babbled cryptic bullshit at me."

"This," Hidan tapped the cover of the fabric wrapped book with one finger, "is the Book of Forbidden Knowledge, every Jashinist has one."

"So then why is this one such a big deal?" Slightly disappointed, Naruto turned back to the mirror and resumed examining himself, tilting his head so that the light hit different parts of his face. His newly aged body was probably in its late teens, possibly early twenties. If he had to guess he would say twenty. His body was now twenty. How fucking awesome was that? Naruto saw Hidan scowling at him in the mirror and grinned sheepishly. He turned to face his sensei, giving the silver haired man his full attention.

Satisfied that the brat was actually paying attention Hidan continued, "It's a big fucking deal because all the Books that Jashinists have now are fucking copies of the Books from the time of the Empire. Some of the words or instructions have changed during years of translation and copying. Some passages can't be fucking translated at all. They're incomplete. But this book," he tapped the cover again, "is complete; it's directly from Jashin-sama."

"How can you tell?"

Hidan held out the book and Naruto took it. To his surprise the book gave off the same strange simultaneous electrical buzzing and skin crawling sensation that the ritual Spirit did.

"That's fucking awesome." Naruto opened the book at random and whooped in joy as his eyes fell on a diagram of a jutsu. "Hidan-sensei we're gonna learn so many new jutsu with this!"

"You might learn some kid, but I won't."

Naruto looked up in surprise, "What? Why not?"

Hidan's scowl morphed into an ugly frown, "My chakra coils got fucked up as a kid; I've got enough for the basic stuff like water and tree walking but not much else."

"Oh…"

"Wipe that look off your face. You're immortal now so if I think for a minute that you're pitying me I'll cut your Jashin-damned head off."

Naruto held up his hands in surrender as best he could (he was still clutching a foot thick book after all), "Whoa, Hidan-sensei calm down. Hostile much?"

"No shit Sherlock."

Naruto chuckled and handed the Book of Forbidden Knowledge back to Hidan. Then he stood and walked slowly around the room, getting a feel for his new, elongated limbs.

"Hey brat I almost forgot to give you this."

Naruto stopped in the middle of his third circuit of the room and turned toward his teacher just in time to have a Jashinist rosary bounce off his forehead.

* * *

"Wake up brat."

Hidan nudged Naruto in the side with his foot. The boy grumbled something and snuggled deeper into his nest of blankets.

Hidan nudged him again, harder this time. Absently he wondered how Naruto could even stand sleeping under blankets in the nearly unbearable temperatures of the Swamp Temple.

Again, the boy didn't react. In fact if Hidan didn't know better he would have thought the sleeping boy had snuggled even deeper into the blankets after the last nudge just to fuck with him.

Hidan growled under his breath, "Brat, I know you can fucking hear me. Do not make me get the motherfucking water bucket."

Naruto shot to his feet as if someone had poked him with a cattle prod. Hidan got his answer to the blanket question but he sincerely wished he hadn't. For the love of Jashin-sama there were some things he just didn't want to know. The fact his apprentice had decided to sleep in the nude was one of those things.

"I'm up! I'm up!" Naruto shouted. He waved his arms around frantically, as if to emphasize the point.

Hidan scowled, "For fuck's sake there's no need to yell. And put some damn pants on, seriously."

"Oh quit bitching sensei." Naruto casually waved off his sensei's quote unquote bitching and pulled a pair pants up over his legs.

Hidan's scowl deepened, "I'm gonna make you pay for that during training," he growled.

Naruto stopped in the process of zipping his pants and looked up, "Training?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna start teaching you how to use a scythe you ungrateful little fucker."

Naruto laughed, "So I'm gonna have a badass scythe like you? That is so fucking awesome!"

Hidan shook his head in faux disappointment, "Your mouth has turned into a fucking sewer kid." He tried to sound disapproving but really fucking doubted that he had pulled it off.

"It's your fault! Don't you know you're not supposed to say 'fuck' around kids?"

"…fuck you."

* * *

"Alright brat, this is a three bladed scythe."

Hidan held out the weapon, gesturing to the different parts of it as he spoke, "Now the blades are designed to get blood for the Curse Technique. That means they're designed to wound, not kill. Now that's not saying they won't kill someone, jam this through some poor fuck's chest or take his head off with it and they're gonna die, obviously. Each blade is removable but I prefer to leave all three on because it increases the odds of drawing blood. I'm gonna start you off with just one blade though," He elaborated at Naruto's confused look, "less fucking stitches if you fuck up and hack off a limb or put it through your chest or some shit."

Hidan pressed the scythe into Naruto's shaking hands (later the mostly-blonde would say he was shaking in anticipation and deny to his last breath that he was shaking from the fear that he might chop off a limb) and walked several feet away.

The moment Hidan let go of the scythe it dropped almost a foot as a surprised Naruto struggled to hold it, "Damn, this thing is heavy." He struggled to lift it back to its previous height, internally grumbling _'what the hell? I thought this peak condition body shit would have made me strong enough to lift a Jashin-damned scythe. The fuck! What the actual fuck? This fucking blows!'_

"Fuckin-a-right it's heavy brat." Hidan sounded incredibly smug as he watched Naruto struggle with the scythe. Obviously the ridiculously heavy scythe was his doing. Naruto would have given him the finger if he thought he could spare a hand, "You're gonna have a hard time using it for a while. Do you know how we're gonna fucking fix that?"

Naruto tensed at Hidan's tone. He knew that tone; it was the same one that Hidan had used right before he started throwing sharp objects at him. Naruto took a step back, fearing the worst, "Um…you're gonna give me a training regimen that doesn't involve mass amounts of kunai and stab wounds?" he asked without much hope.

"Nope," The psychotic nin practically sung the word, "I'm gonna teach you the same way I was taught."

"You know what?" Naruto practically threw the scythe away from him, "I'd rather learn how to use a sword."

"Oh no, pick up the scythe kid."

"No, it's alright really sensei. I'll just uh, study some of the jutsu in the Book an-shit!"

He barely managed to leap out of the way of a barrage of kunai.

* * *

The news that Naruto was no longer in the village did not stay under wraps as long as the Hokage would have liked. In an ideal situation no one would have realized that the boy was gone until after he had been returned to the village. Unfortunately the arrival of a Sannin in the village raised a lot of questions. In hindsight, Sarutobi realized that he should have expected that. Having Jiraiya brought to the village when it would have been just as easy, if not easier, to talk to him outside the village walls was not the Hokage's brightest idea.

It wasn't soon after Jiraiya's arrival and subsequent departure that the news leaked out. (The Inuzuka, in addition to be renowned trackers, were also infamously gossipy drunks.) The fact that Naruto, or the demon brat as he was commonly called, had disappeared from the village spread through the shinobi ranks like a wildfire fed by gasoline. Within a day the entirety of the village knew and people had taken to the streets, rejoicing that the monster was finally gone.

This was an unmitigated disaster. Sarutobi sighed and tamped more tobacco into his pipe. He knew he shouldn't be smoking so much, (his pipe was lit constantly now, from the moment he left bed to the moment he returned) but the entire situation made him feel ill in a way that only tobacco or finding Naruto could help. He glanced out his window and felt a pang of sadness so poignant that he had to sit down again. Revelers, still partying hard even though they had started two days ago, had backed up the streets, making normal travel impossible. Normally Sarutobi would have used Konoha nin to, if not break up the celebration, at least make sure it kept from obstructing the normal functions of the village but even the ninja had taken to the streets. Not only did Sarutobi have to face how much the villagers had hated Naruto he had to face that his village's shinobi, some of whom had been good friends of his, hated the boy as well.

It was, as previously stated, and unmitigated disaster.

And to top it off, to make the entire situation that much worse, he had to deal with the very real and probable possibility that the spies the other Great Nations had undoubtedly had posed as civilians around Konoha had already reported in. At this moment the other Kages were probable rejoicing and laughing their asses off as they found out that Konoha was bereft of its jinchuuriki. All the work he had done relieving the tensions between Konoha and Iwagakure was probably going to go out the window the moment the Tsuchikage learned that he had two jinchuuriki at his disposal and Konoha had none.

"Shit."

Yep, in Sarutobi's eyes that word pretty much summed up the entire situation.

* * *

Surprisingly (or perhaps not so surprisingly if you knew the girl at all) Hinata Hyuuga knew that Naruto was missing before the news had made its way out of the mouth of a drunken Tsume. Of course she was the only one in the Academy that realized that Naruto was, in fact, not even in the village. The general consensus of her classmates was that the 'dead last' had finally dropped out or was simply skipping class in a bid for attention. In fact the only person who seemed even remotely concerned about Naruto's disappearance was Iruka-sensei (who had, incidentally, known of Naruto's status as missing before Jiraiya). So one day Hinata spent all of class steeling her nerves and stayed behind to ask Iruka-sensei if he knew anything about Naruto's whereabouts. Now, Iruka had always harbored a fondness for the soft-spoken Hyuuga girl and, after asking her to keep the information to herself, told her that Naruto was currently missing. Before he could reassure the girl (and himself) that Naruto would be found and brought home soon she had burst into tears, apologized, and ran from the room.

As Hinata ran through the Academy's front doors she collided with Shino. The normally stoic and reserved Aburame had stayed behind because he felt that they had a special bond as outcasts (she was an outcast because she was soft-spoken and not infected with Sasuke rabies and he was an outcast because…well, kids weren't exactly crazy about his Kikaichu) and thought that she may have needed someone to talk to. Hinata broke down almost completely at the Aburame's completely surprising, unexpected, and kind gesture.

Shino allowed Hinata to cry on his shoulder (metaphorically of course, he had no desire for anyone to get close enough to actually touch him). He listened in polite silence to Hinata hiccupped, sobbed, and gasped her way through her story. He hadn't been particularly fond of Naruto (he held onto grudges easily and the blonde had once called him 'the creepy crawly kid') but he did feel slightly sad when he heard that the boy had vanished without a trace. In his opinion (which he regarded as fact) the only time anyone went missing without a trace was when they were killed by an expert.

For obvious reasons he didn't tell Hinata this.

* * *

Miles away, deep within a swamp in the aptly named Land of Swamps, Naruto dodged kunai for his life (not literally, of course, seeing as the mostly-blond was immortal) unaware of the hoopla his disappearance had created.

* * *

**A/N: and there it is. Chapter ten. Reviews would be super awesome and super welcome.**

**Self promo moment ahead (feel free to skip over it if you want).**

**I'm going to be posting another story soon (I've been having a bunch of new ideas for stories, no idea where half of them are coming from). I had a rough draft of the first chapter up on the site for a couple of days but decided to take it down to edit it. I haven't decided on a final name for the story but here's the beginning of the first chapter as like a teaser or something.**

'_Whirlpool, just another little town nestled away in the heartland of the country. It's a perfectly normal little town, with a normal name, in a normal patch of woods, right? Not according to Konohamaru Sarutobi, a teenage resident of the town. Sarutobi gained publicity after he began posting on conspiracy and scary-story forums earlier this year. He talked on his blog about the frequent disappearance of teenagers, TV shows that appeared to be only static and white noise to everyone except the young kids watching them, and creatures that moved around in the woods. He also claimed that the military was using locals as test subjects for some sort of experiment. Just the paranoid ramblings of some stoned teenager with too much time on his hands, right? That's what I thought at first, until Konohamaru's blog and the forums he had posted on were shut down without warning or explanation. THAT is fishy ladies and gentleman, it practically reeks of cover up. This reporter smells a story and he is going to Whirlpool to get the sc— oh what the hell?"_

**Self promo moment: OVER.**

**Later,**

**Pathetic-really**


End file.
